STUNNING NEW BOOK BY NICK ARMBRISTER OUT NOW Juniper’s Daughter: Fookin' Weech

Find the Meeting

When will I meet you witch?

Where are you hiding?

Are you near or far?

I’ve so many questions

And no answers

I’m not even sure you exist

Yet I feel something

Call it a presence

Or intelligence

Does this belong to you?

Or something else watching me?

Is it simply observing or more?

Hindering or protecting me?

All I know is your name

Since December 2000

That tells me you must exist

And that answers my questions

pix

fuck terrs and politicians

On politix. I say a big FUCK YOU! to the following: Putin the Dog, Assad the Poodle, May the Hag, Xi the Turtle, Erdogan the Goat fucker and all the other cunts. None of you are worthy. And a big Fuck You to reds/commies. Never to be trusted. I remember the Cold War. And fuck Muslim extremists like Daesh. Remember Manchester and Marwi. Wipe all terrs out.

fuck apple itunes ibooks

I'd like to add a huge FUCK YOU! to itunes/ibooks/apple for banning my JIMMY BOOM SEMTEX ebooks because they were too explicit. I'll boycott your shit products for the rest of my fucking life.

Juniper’s Daughter: Fookin' Weech By Nick Armbrister

Juniper's Daughter is a character made up by Nick Armbrister. She is a witch. Her main role is fighting evil and the Devil. Join her in a variety of situations and conflicts described in these cutting edge poems. They are multi emotional from satire, serious, sad and left of centre. Subjects include a lamppost that works for the Devil, erotic sex at work, invading a country for its alleged resources and much more. Juniper's Daughter is always busy for evil is everywhere. Corrupting the weak and killing in war. Our world needs the witch now... We Came We came from very far away to see your planet We wanted to meet you and see how you were We were shocked to find so much badness and evil We saw wars, murder, violence, genocide and much more We saw people willingly giving themselves to evil We saw people turn a blind eye to violence and let it continue We saw an all powerful shady figure carry out his deadly agenda We saw a figure of the light try to stop him by her simple means

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It Doesn’t Snow In November by Jimmy Boom Semtex

Quick walk to town. Just love this late August sun. Oh! That man’s staring at me, he must like me! Give him a quick wave as I turn the corner by the churchyard. Then duck into the pub – there’s Sarah! Hi, how ya doin? Great, me too. What ya having? Usual. Yes, me too. We’ll have these, then order lunch. This is nice lager...

We laugh and joke only as good friends do. Sarah just broke up with Mark but likes Liam but he fancies what’s her name? Sarah may have a girlie fling with Wendy for post break-up blues relief. I don’t know, what’s she like? We order food with free a beer, chicken tikka masala for me (I’m the hot one!) and lasagne for Sarah. More small talk, two or three jokes and our meals arrive, are eaten. Another beer, yes, see you again tonight, say hi to Wendy for me.

Feel a bit tipsy now, nice feeling though. Time for a stroll through town. Can't believe TJ’s has Xmas decor up in summer! Usual shops, think I’ll get a blouse at Oxfam. Nice ethnic style, that’ll do. Time for my tat now! Booked in 2 p.m. – Inkpot, Oldham’s finest. Nice dragonfly on my right shoulder to balance out my unicorn on my left. Yes, I’m okay guys, how’s business? A nod. Needle sound – love that so much! Good you’re busy, can’t wait till mine’s done. We only do the best Gemma! I know lads, I’m planning on more. I can show this off tonight at Rockworld. Tattoo looks great, bit sore but no regrets. Just removed the bandage, give it some air.

HEART OF THE COUNTRY SHORT STORY COLLECTION BY NICK ARMBRISTER

Another town was coming under Soviet control, liberating the suppressed Finns from their fake Western government. Yes, some had died in the effort of liberation, but that was war. In a stern voice the Colonel ordered his gunner to target the middle house in a group of three: a Finn with a hunting rifle was sniping at the Soviet infantry; three soldiers had died and two were injured in his stoic defence. Slamming a High Explosive shell into the breach, the gunner aimed carefully and watched as the target came into view. One pull on the trigger and it was over, a massive blast of flame and explosive gasses as the shell destroyed the house, killing the Finn who paid with his life for his actions. Looking from the trees nearby, Finnish army observers radioed that the enemy was in town and that it had fallen. Now the defensive plan could be put into effect. It started with an air strike by the Finnish air force, a small force of six Hornet fighters flying at full throttle at low level, hugging the land in their desperate gamble. Many of their comrades had fallen and now, would they follow them? Arcing over a ridgeline like darts, the Hornet flight came upon the Soviet tank elements at Rontaluumi. Here air defence wasn’t as dangerous as at other Soviet captured areas. It would be no cakewalk, though – each man knew that and determination made them more likely to succeed or to die trying. With a war load of Sidewinder wingtip mounted missiles, fuselage AMRAAMs, a centreline tank and four underwing cluster bombs, they were armed for bear, to wage war and defend their homeland. In cockpits Radar Warning Receivers chirped and came to life as Soviet radars reached out to find the jets. Flying under the radar was helping to make detection hard but not impossible – launch! In a flare of exhaust gasses four missiles flew skyward, aimed at the Finnish jets. Flying even lower over trees and hills, a dozen metres above the frozen earth, the battle started. In each cockpit alert eyes saw and noted the Skoda missiles course. Hands worked controls and each plane broke off in a different direction to momentarily confuse radars and missile guidance units. The tactic worked along with a healthy dumping of flares and chaff expendables to blind the missiles. Blue sky spinning, g-force taking hold, Hornet jets flew seemingly random courses, but every second heading more closely to Rontaluumi and the enemy. In blinding flashes and in a noise to wake the Gods, detonations indicated spent Skoda medium range missiles. 

Endure the Wave by Jimmy Boom Semtex

"Touch it. Then you'll find out." Bravado took over the girl. They were doing a crazy thing.

"If it is, you could be killed..."

"Look." Jelma reached out and grabbed the fence. Nothing happened.

"No!" Chen gasped.

"Got you!" Jelma laughed, jumping up and down. "If the fence was electrified, they'd have to put up notices. Or face lawsuits for it," Jelma grinned.

"Maybe... Look, I need you to be calm my love. What we're doing is very risky. Kiss me," Chen said, wanting to calm her down. It was a quick kiss.

"Yes, be calm. I'm fine, really." There was tension in her voice. Her moods were livewire.

"We must go now. There's my jet. We can be seen stood here."

Chen bent the fence and allowed Jelma to jump over. She did so with difficulty. When Chen was over, they ran and hid behind an airport truck. Peering about, Chen nodded and led his fiancé to the plane. He clicked a small fob in his pocket and the side door unlocked and opened with a small hiss.

Flotsam and Jetsam by Jimmy Boom Semtex

'May we announce our new Jelma dress launch, modelled by Kazuki girls Jelma and Chiyo. Welcome to Falcon! Give them both a big hello,' Falcon's owner announced over the digital PA system, pausing the music.

Spot lamps illuminated the scene and Chiyo gave a little bow and danced along into the crowd. She raised her hands up and twirled round like a dervish. Her smile was to die for, as were her looks. Everyone clapped and cheered. Jelma followed her.

Chen saw her and waved. She nodded in acknowledgment and blew him a kiss. Do people know we're an item? They will now or will they think that I'm having a laugh? Time to show them ALL my love and respect, Jelma thought.

"Thank you for coming to Falcon for our new dress launch, number two in our new Jelma dress series. Produced by our Kazuki design house. I must thank Chiyo, who looks great in the new dress, and also Sera and Kaito, for their help and work on this very rewarding project. Not forgetting Falcon and their staff for letting this launch take place. Thank you. Lastly, massive thanks to Chen and his workers for their own work and input on this dress. Without them, we wouldn't be producing it or selling the co-produced version in China. To them, we are indebted. Thank you all!" Jelma addressed those present with tears of joy in her eyes.

Ultima Thule by Jimmy Boom Semtex

In Or Out?

They ask the question that affects us all: What did the baby do first? Breathe in or out first? I have the answer. When I was in the womb, my mother's, I breathed liquid. An oxygenated liquid, like fish do. Then came the birthing trauma. And I went from breathing liquid to air. Air is a gas. I breathed out the liquid and cried. By crying they knew I was alive. My cry was made after an in-breath. Air went into my lungs. So there you go, the answer. A baby breathes air in first. Not a breath out. Unless... the dear baby can convert the oxygenated gas into a gas and breath it out? Jimmy Boom Semtex'll step over and God can answer that.

Potato Death

Cecil Eccleswaite the 3rd was a raving lunatic. You don't mess with Cecil. He creates kaos to destruction to over the world. Currently, he's on the number 13 bus from Manchester to Bury, Lancashire. No one in Bury had any idea what would shortly happen. And only one man had a chance of stopping Cecil - Gonk, a Royal Marine.                                                                                                                                         

Cecil was upstairs. He smiled maliciously, stood up and reached into his pocket. A big breasted woman screamed and pointed, "Oh shit! That man has a suicide vest on! We're gonna get fried!"

"We're all going to die!" shouted the woman, her big cleavage wobbling like award winning spuds.

Slowly Cecil removed his hand from his green jacket. It held a potato. His smile was evil. So were his words. "Wrong! I'm the spud thrower."

"Are you on drugs?" a brown haired youth asked.

"Shut your tater hole!" Cecil angrily replied.

"Fuc..." was all the youth managed to say. A single potato hit him in the mouth, wedging there. The force smashed his head through the window. Blood jetted everywhere and his neck was broken. Panic erupted!

Cecil Eccleswaite the 3rd stopped it. His hand moved faster than Ricky Valentino with his gay lover. A medium sized spud looped through the air, bounced off a seat and hit a red haired man in his throat. "Ugh," muttered the dying man.

The blond lady jumped out of her seat and ran at Cecil. A potato hit her upper right arm, breaking it. She became violent. "You fucking weirdo!" A metre from Cecil, she jumped.

JUNIPER’S DAUGHTER – FRONTIER TOWN

JUNIPER’S DAUGHTER – FRONTIER TOWN

A novel by Nick Armbrister

Noel was a twenty two year old man whose main hobby was sniping with his old Lee Enfield rifle in his spare time, when he was not working for the Frontier Corps as an intelligence officer. He had untaken this role for the past eighteen months and rapidly gained experience on the theory of armies on the move but had yet to see action; this was his first operation. His colleague was three years older and had two previous ops under his belt so he was teaching the younger man the way to do things, to learn and stay alive. Cris was a dynamic individual sent to lead this small operation, if he did things right they would both return home alive with valuable information on the areas under army control. If he failed, they both would face death in any number of wicked ways, this was the reason they carried cyanide capsules to use in the event of capture. Cris usually planned operations out to the army area of occupation but now and again he needed to get on the ground and experience a real op, like in this case. Wearing dark coloured civilian clothing so not to stick out like the secret intelligence men they were, they set off in the early evening heading away from the Frontier Corps base in an easterly direction out of Renford, on the main road out of town slowly walking, the best way to travel quietly and stealthily. To do their mission duties Noel and Cris carried a nice variety of equipment, the best available considering the circumstances that the country was in. The items where:

Small hand held pistols equipped with built in a silencer, magazine containing fourteen nine millimetre bullets, laser sight system for night shooting hidden under the barrel, small detachable telescopic sight for distance aiming and infra red capable for night target viewing. Six spare magazines gave sufficient bullets for long engagements.

Collapsible machine pistols of the same calibre to give ammunition compatibility with the pistols, equipped with a foldable shoulder stock to give steady shooting at distance targets when firing from a concealed position. One hand held the pistol grip and fired the trigger; the other held the plastic front hand rest that was bevelled to provide a firm grip even in wet conditions. An iron sight was mounted above the front barrel, backed up by the rear adjustable sight that was set in one hundred metre gradients out to fifteen hundred metres.

Juniper's Daughter Wins

Juniper's Daughter Wins
It was without doubt the longest night
Both sides were of ferocious might
It was one hell of a nasty fight

Equal to turning the hugest screw
The enemy was of the blackest hue
Simmering violence a sword to be drew

Planet Earth and her humans the host
The winner would surely bost
The vanquished side losing the most

Now was the time for battle
Humans butchered like cattle
Satan danced like a baby with a rattle

The witch was gonna nail that fucker
Even if it meant becoming a hooker
Lucifer was such a childish sucker

The fight frequented every dingy bar
Producing casualties near and far
Lives stubbed out like a discarded cigar

Fighting from the ground right into space
Juniper's Daughter must win the race
Or be defeated and totally lose face

Mother Juniper watches from her tree
Wishing her daughter would set us free
Powerful daughter witch Holy than thee

Her daughter faced her enemy alone
Each defeat cut her Mother to the bone
Only a witch could occupy the sacred throne

Their war made the universe clang
Equal in power to the Big Bang
Victory's infinite sweetness the witch sang

rooley moore

The 3 Bs

The 3 Bs
It's a case of the 3 Bs
And everything else that sets us apart
You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth

Or was it jammed up your arse?
By upper middle class parents

Part of the ruling elite who run things
The 2 percent who think they're better
Not mixing with the likes of us
Except when they want our vote

Myself I'm not really bothered about you
Those toffs and Ruperts who live on the moon
You are no relation to me

Except when campaigning for your party
Telling the same old lies a different way

I’ve more in common with an alien

Do I blame the Old Boy's Club?
With their secret handshakes and sayings?
Each one a Mason and secret initiate

Been to the top Unis but mostly Oxbridge men
With a few girls now for Political Correctness
What a load of codswallop!
I think it's down to the 3 Bs 
And all it contains

Plums in your mouth
Opposite end of the spectrum
As bad as a chav in your Saville Row suit
Tell me is your son like you?

An upper middle class nonce
A graduate with no job
Working in a bakery putting cherries on cakes!
What a fucking nob!
Us working class ridicule and loath you

Detest all you stand for
The Blair's, Cameron's and May's
When in power you only look after number one
Doing cuts on welfare and benefits

Not caring on those in poverty or the poor
Blind to those who are sanctioned
Ignoring mental health statistics
Oblivious of suicide figures
I know one thing:

I'm 10s the man you are
Why?
Because I'm not ruled by the 3 Bs:
Beating, buggery and bad manners

This poem is for you

And the toff who said my writing is crap

You’re all rather daft!

Best Job Ever

Best Job Ever
I have the best job ever
I work for a witch
Yes that's right
A real life witch
She owns a software company
And just floated the shares
She noticed my writing and offered me a job
It was my alternative poetry
Followed by my explicit stories
Not to mention my cool attitude
That made her hire me
I get paid to slander world leaders
Her spells protect me
All get a poem and I tell all
But that doesn't matter just now
You see I write but I also fuck
I get paid to fuck!
Can you believe it?
Her company has a room
The Kink Room and it's joyous
Simply pick a lady and fuck her
There are free condoms and snacks
I fucked 2 gals yesterday
And 3 the day before
I'm having a day off today
But tomorrow I'll fuck my boss
She'll put a gold cock ring on me
And elastic on my balls
I'll last all day then 
For fun she'll grease my nipples
I'll do whatever she wants
Anything goes with the boss
Or she'll turn me into a frog
And rip off my writing
Then marry my brother
So I keep her sweet
By fucking her once week
My job's secure as is my love life
Join us in the Kink Room
In the best company in the world
It's a blast...

Hail the Truth

Hail the Truth
It has to be said
For it is the truth
The holy Truth
Written as fact
As true as night following day
The undeniable truth
Juniper Mother Nature and God acted
Gave the black man the ultimate advantage
There was only one way
The only way possible
Give the negro the edge
So all others were inferior
Especially the white man
An enlarged penis
Ten to fourteen inches long
Thus giving total superiority
Revenge against five centuries of slavery
Hail thee the black man!
The finest male of the species
Body beautiful obsidian skin
Satisfying white women
Their bedroom war cry:
When you go black
you never go back!
Justice against the white masters
If only it was always so
No underdog not ever
Past never to be repeated
An intimate law is now established
In all things explicit
The black man is King
Forever and eternity.

Infatuation

Infatuation

The dildo was factory fresh but hand made

A perfect precision orgasm inevitable giver

It was thirteen inches long and bright blue

Made from durable crystal that wouldn’t shatter

With either manual or automatic control

Easy to use and a joy to feel inside you

Where it was now inside a gal called Zoe

It was on machine function and fucking her

Dialled in at three hundred thrusts a minute

Her pussy was on the edge as was the girl

Orgasm after orgasm whooshed thru her

Till she screamed cried gasped begged

For more more more till this fucking kills her!

Testing new dildos was feel good well paid

A perfect job for a single college graduate

Fresh meat on the shagging rack getting popped

Not her cherry but her pussy like a well oiled machine

In and out all the damn way a sight to behold

The testing crew were all horny and side tracked

Wanting to screw the gal instead of their creation

The dildo hooked up to a fucking machine

Zoe shouted for more speed and the head tech nodded

He turned the big dial and pegged it at MAX SPEED

The big dildo was a blur and the machine squeaked

It was entering her pussy a thousand times per minute!

No human woman could handle that!

Not even one of the new Japanese sex dolls

Who was this amazing woman named Zoe?

They found out when the machine overheated and went bang!

It was the last gang bang it would ever give.

Cogs, balls, nuts, screws and bits flew everywhere

The crafted penis shaft left her pussy and flew far

Leaving a jagged burning hole in the wall

It went into orbit far above the Earth!

The techs bellowed and ran madly about

Their baby was fucked and very very broken

‘Zoe’ grinned and got up and whispered a spell

All those present visibly relaxed and she left the room

Juniper’s Daughter had been well and truly fucked

Going back to her disc to do some real work

The world needed saving and Satan needed defeating

Devil Be Damned Haiku

Devil Be Damned Haiku

Witch’s gonna fuck you

Rip off your Satanic head

Our world needs saving

World View

World View

There is a lady called Juniper

She has an issue with Lucifer

And passed it on to her daughter

Who enjoyed a good slaughter

Especially if it she was winning

For this was just the beginning

Of a long and destructive war

Where the witch became a whore

To do what she knew was right

To defeat the darkest night

In the good name of peace

There would be some release

Her battle cry was loud

To protect the human crowd

Even if people were so fickle

She’d feed the Devil a poison pickle

And fuck him up right proper

So his evil came a cropper

His protection racket was over

The luck of a four leaf clover

Till Planet Earth was free

And her spells said ‘So Mote it be!’

One World War

One World War

Fought both close and afar

Unmasking his disguise

It was some bloody tiff

Between night and day

Satan used his darkness

And the witch fought with light

To thwart Old Nick’s cunning

But losing half the time

If she were a gambler

She’d only break even

Such were the odds

In this loaded game of war

Part of the supreme battle

Waging since time immemorial

The fallen angel of darkness

And the holy witch of goodness