Whacky Races

Whacky Races

Every male teenager loves to drive fast.

Whether or not they’ve got a licence.

Imagine being eighteen years old,

out of control and driving cars fast.

This was me, way back in 1990.

I worked at a Ford garage in Rochdale.

I was a young wild tearaway with a fucked up life.

When I got into any car it was pedal to the metal.

And the stereo on full listening to my tunes.

Don’t you know I loved goth, 80s and metal?

No one will get in my way, screw you!

It was race race race and crash crash crash.

How many crashes?

Less than the races.

Looking back over the decades,

I realize how mad I was.

One time, I was racing a guy on a scrambler bike.

We all worked together and it was home time!

Full speed ahead!

I saw him jump a small hump back bridge.

So did I in my Vauxhall Chevette.

Then I saw the road junction!

I was on my breaks in mid-air.

Don’t hit the bike, my workmate shouted.

I steered into the back of a car and hit it,

while colliding with the bike.

I gave them both a kiss!

The guy on the bike went da-dump!

when I bumped his real wheel and bent his mudguard.

The car I hit was a beauty, a restored red Mark 2 Ford Escort.

I felt guilty hitting that, it was a work of art.

But I worked at a Ford garage and could get new parts.

My mate said, Say something.

Shit, I’ve had a crash!

Then an undercover CID blue Cavalier car sped past us!

The cop driving it saw me and shook his head and was gone.

The storeman in the garage gave me a left side light, not right.

Silly boy!

I broke my car’s headlamp and bent the bumper.

Don’t worry, I’ll fix it.

My other crashes included hitting a white Vauxhall Astra GTE.

I was going down Bullcote Lane in my dad’s Lada estate.

It was so steep and narrow.

Great for dangerous high speed driving!

My mirror went all the way down the Astra’s side.

I floored it and sped away.

He was stationery in the road.

I also hit a parked up old Mk2 Escort at night.

I repaired my car with masking tape and black spray paint.

My most dangerous and famous crash was in a works car.

And cost me my job and almost my life.

I was eighteen years old and indestructible.