Bogozoid!

no no no no! no way did that happen hehe. no no no... i did a poem on it... read below lmfao. no, in not sorry...

Bogozoid!
I had a wee wee!
The bog smelt of stale piss
This reminded me
Of stale pussy!
Dog awful smell
Why I will NEVER ever
Lick a dirty one
But being pissed
I wanted squid
And popped a tin
And had a feast
Or half…
…for there was only two
With one spine
And one beak
Not four big ones!
Jammed in a tin
With big fat bodies
Attached to horrible tentacles
Yet then there were no beaks…
I sulked all damn day…
She on the island
Has a jar of beaks for me
I wish she would hurry here…
And bring me a real live squid too
For I want calamari squid rings
A whole damn dish
All to myself!

Forbidden

Forbidden
The Egyptian liked goats of all types and colours
Just like the Turkish leader who absolutely adored them

Both had a fetish for it
And risked jail if caught

Tho Erdogan the Goat Fucker was in charge
Would he jail himself?

And the Egyptian was also gay
Was Erdogan the Goat fucker homosexual?

Both were bastards and hated internationally
The Turk was the victim of a failed coup

It was a shame the rebel Vipers never splashed his jet
His assassination would of saved so much stress

He remained in power and now fucks his goats
Just like the Egyptian who also shags goats

Giving them a right good grind
When he’s not taking it up his arse

Or sucking off his security guard
Maybe the Turk and Egyptian will get together

Then the world will tremble with laughter
Two goat fuckers together

One definitely gay according to informed sources
Who have it all on High Definition video

Danny

Danny
Daniel answer the phone!
SHUT UP!!!
Daniel the cops are calling!
SHUT UP!!!
Hello my name is Nick from the NYPD
SHUT UP!!!
I want to speak to Danny
SHUT UP!!!
You’re under arrest for being called Daniel
SHUT UP!!!
For selling drugs to children
SHUT UP!!!
For having illegal pistols and ammunition
SHUT UP!!!
For torturing and killing puppies
SHUT UP!!!
For kidnapping and raping your own sister
SHUT UP!!!
For tasering a police dog on your failed arrest
SHUT UP!!!
For being a violent psycho who preys on the innocent
SHUT UP!!!
For threatening your mother who loves you dearly
SHUT UP!!!
For being one of the bad ones since birth
SHUT UP!!!
Get ready to run Danny
SHUT UP!!!
We’re coming for you now
SHUT UP!!!
Right fucking NOW!

Choo Choo

Choo Choo
Freight train left the station
TURD AWAY!
Passenger train left the station
TURD AWAY!
Ammunition train left the station
TURD AWAY!
Big shit down the bog
MY TUBES ARE EMPTY!
Till next time…

How Much!

How Much!
I once lived in a house in Glasgow
If was full of people
Toe to fucking tail
Jammed to the fucking rafters!
Like Pakis in a transit van or Datsun car!
And run by a big fat woman who ran the joint mama-san style

There were two gay sailors
A lazy Indian illegal immigrant who sold his grandmother
There was the sailors’ girlfriend who both shared
There was a girl who was deaf but could sing

I took a fancy to three French exchange students
Who rented a small room
They fucked and sucked me till I was exhausted

Mama-san was cash hungry and always after more
She lost it all when there was a big fight
The bisexual sailors started it when drunk
Their dumb blond girlfriend walked out
Then the students ran off crying
I’m glad I’d just fucked them all!

The lazy Indian illegal got worried
I’d threatened to grass him up!
He ran out naked and got into his Datsun Cherry
Away was last seen heading to London

Then there was just me and the big fat mama-san
She lifted up her skirts and offered herself to me
I shook my head and ran to my room
I pushed the wardrobe behind the door
Then packed my bag and fled thru the window

The mama-san lost everything
Why? Because she was fucking greedy!
How much!

When I Was Almost Killed

When I Was Almost Killed
I was almost killed in one of these,
a Talbot Sunbeam.
The white car in the picture.
I was hit on the side you can see.
An old man pulled out and hit me there.
I was actually increasing speed and not going slow,
45mph not 30.

Or I’d have gone right into him.

Not him hitting my left side.
In England we drive on the left.
And sit on right of the car.
So I was ok but shaken and in shock.

Was in 1991.

He caught my car on passenger door and rear wheel.
The car was thrust onto two wheels.
I felt it become airborne on the right side.
Started to spin/skid to other side of the road,
into oncoming traffic.
I corrected immediately.

My dad taught me how to correct a skid.

Can’t think how to tell you.
Steer the opposite way?
I did it.
And was unscathed.
I’d of either been hurt if I’d been going slower,
30mph,
as he would have pulled out from a side street and I’d of hit him.

I was doing 45.

I increased speed to race a bit before I turned
into a street on the opposite side of the road.
Call it playing about as I was on my own.
The couple of seconds I speeded up took me 2 metres
forward of the impact point so he hit me,
not me him.
Of course,
50 percent more speed increased my velocity.
His side impact onto me sent me skidding so I had to correct,
by reflex.

Or I’d die.

I was on the verge of losing control and on the other side of the road.
Lucky for me the other side of the road was clear that time.
The rear wheel rim was fucked,
all bent tho the suspension point was fine.
The tire would be flat too.
Can’t remember.
I drove the car for 3 months with the damage tho.

The left door wouldn’t open due to the crash.

Was all pushed in.
It was an insurance right off.
I still used the car as it drove well and was only damaged on the left side.
I was pulled over by the cops when I was lost in Wales.
I used to drive down each weekend to see a gay friend,
a gal.
I went from Manchester.

The cops were shocked at the damage.

I said its 2 months old.
Drives just fine.
I U-turned on a roundabout and they saw and stopped me.
Told me off!
I said I’m lost.
No satnav back then.
I had many races,
a few bad crashes.

Was always fine.

This crash tho,
when he hit me,
not me hitting another stopped me racing that was it.
Or I’d die...
No the story,
my story,
happened to me in 91
A crash,
all true.
I was gonna beat up the other car driver.
But it was an old man so I left him alone.