How do you fancy your Chinese?

How do you fancy your Chinese?

It was finally September. The Mediterranean adventure that Joe wanted was here. He went on his eagerly awaited Spanish holiday to Mallorca, the island of beer, wild sex and good times. He had time to himself to do whatever he wanted. Joe saved five hundred quid spending money and his holiday cost another four hundred. He’d worked overtime in the tire factory, including some weekends. Now it was time to rock n roll.

He stayed in Magalluf, the main town on the island. It was full of bars, clubs and other entertainment places. He’d booked his trip with Club 18-30, a company that catered for young people. Travelling alone, he was put in a room with some other English guys. They all got on and went drinking together on the first night. That night set the scene for what was to come. Drink and drink and drink.

Joe liked music so he went to the Hard Rock Café. He went there a few times. On the last occasion, there was trouble of the German kind. Being English, there was a thing about two World Wars and a World Cup. Joe was one man, the Germans were several. He was head banging on the dancefloor when someone tapped him on the shoulder. At first, being drunk, he ignored it. Then he opened his eyes and looked. He saw a chest. And then looked up… There was a Nazi Stormtrooper from Hell! The enemy bastard was six foot four and broad. In guttural English, the kraut shouted: ‘This is our bar! English! You leave now!’

Joe left, the dancefloor, and went to the bar for his beer. He took a drink and ordered a new one. When the first was finished, he started the second and went head banging again. Time passed and songs played, nothing happened. Then there was the same tap on the shoulder; Joe opened his eyes and now three enemy kraut bastards were there. Joe looked at them, at the big glass ashtrays on the bar and then at his beer. He made eye contact, nodded and watching his back, went to the bar. He finished his drink and left the bar. He went back to the hotel to rouse the Yorkshire lads; they were pissed and wanted no trouble. They warned Joe on Spanish jails. He thought fuck it and went to bed.